I don’t know when it happened in my life. Or when it became a habit. Is it even worth asking?
When was it that my best stopped being good enough?
When you practice sitting meditation. A good portion of it. Is to get in touch with you. The pretty and the ugly. And to accept both. To abide.
Here’s the ugly. I’ve so wanted to be better than my best.
Isn’t that impossible?
So. When was it that I began to tell myself that I wasn’t good enough?
If only I were faster, smarter, taller, thinner.
If only I were better.
But. How can you be better than your best?
How can you constantly approach the day, somehow believing that you should be better than your best?
I ran 18 miles today. It took me longer than it used too. Back when my best was much better. Back when I didn’t even appreciate how fast I was. Even then, I thought I should be better. Faster.
Today. I know. I did my best. I gave it all I had. And now. I’m going to sit down. And figure out how to appreciate that.