I Validate Me.

The little boy in The Carrot Seed didn’t need his family to reassure him that what he was doing was right, or good, or worth the time. He planted a carrot seed. And took care of it. And confidently awaited the results. Whatever they may be. Sure enough. The carrot came up. But I have a feeling, this little dude would have been ok if it didn’t. Odds are, with his confidence. He would have started again with another seed.

With everything decided by committee and influenced by oh so clever marketing, it is becoming more and more difficult to act as independently and self-assuredly as our little boy. In fact. I’ve been noticing a great deal of ambivalence, even ennui among people lately. You know. Like some people are sort of bored. Kind of overwhelmed. Not entirely happy. Unsatisfied. Not sure where to turn. Hardly capable of nurturing a little carrot seed!

Where did the little boy find such confidence to act as he pleased?

Can we develop such assurance? Could this help overcome the ennui?

I believe so.

Not too very long ago, I found that I spent a lot of time trying to do everything right. And waiting to be praised for it. Because. Isn’t that validation so wonderful? (Let’s not talk about how it feels to mess up however. The self-loathing of not being praised by others.)

Also. Rather than confidently watering and weeding and waiting for my carrot to come up. I would fret over the stress and worries others imparted upon me, sometimes to the point where I would just give up because of their crankiness.

And too. I so enjoyed to be part of a group (the right group) and feel that sense of belonging. Validation. To wear stripes when everyone was wearing stripes and alligators when everyone was wearing alligators. Look at us! Yes! We look wonderful in our getups! You fit in! We validate you! Being with us special people…Makes you REAL and GOOD and WORTHY!

Totally Star-Bellied Sneetches!

And then. You know. One day you show up and you didn’t get the memo. And you’re wearing a mini while all the other ladies are wearing maxies. Please! You hope. Tell me I look fabulous anyway! I need to be validated. But nobody does. And you fall out with that group. Because. Maybe you never really fit in at all anyway.

And then ennui sets in. Because who now to validate you?

Somewhere along the way.  It hit me.

If I validate me. I am always here for me. I can listen to me. And have confidence in me. And be ok with me. Because. Really. Me is all I have all the time. Every moment of every day.

I Validate Me.

Does that sound nutty?

If a tree falls in the woods does anyone here it?

If you write a post does anyone read it?

Does it matter?

I Validate Me.

Try it.

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4 thoughts on “I Validate Me.

  1. I apologize if this comes across as validation, but I love you. Not because I want to validate you. But because you get it. And sometimes I think you have a direct portal to my brain. You write about the exact things that I am dealing with.

    I recently stopped blogging for this exact reason. My blog had become an extension of my Facebook page. And anyone who has a Facebook page understands it is ALL about validation.

    The Carrot Seed “liked” your post.

    The Carrot Seed and 14 others “liked” your post.

    In the middle of the night, without fanfare and/or finale, I walked away from Facebook. Deactivated and walked away. I actually took time to say good bye to my blog readers, and perhaps the blog will come back. But Facebook certainly won’t, not for me.

    Maybe for some people Facebook is exactly what they need to fulfill their own lives.

    For me, it created such an instant need for validation that it was sucking the life right out of me. I could no longer think for myself – good or bad. I sometimes wondered what the reaction from my fan base would be and I cringed. One weekend I came back from a wonderful camping trip and I had such a great time I had to post about it on my Facebook page. Photos went up, descriptions, a complete album. I was so proud. And no one responded. Not even one tiny little “like”.

    Turns out I had accidentally changed my settings so only one person could see.. and that’s when I realized how much I relied on validation from these 200 “friends” of mine. My camping trip was not real until all 200 friends knew about it and at least a small percentage of them acknowledged that they looked by “liking” it.

    This has been the theme of my past week. And here you are, blogging about it.

    By the way, my life feels so much richer now that I am sharing my status updates inward, liking my own thoughts, not checking my page 100 times a day, having notifications interrupt my real phone conversations. My days are longer. I journal again. My creativity has returned.

    I honestly think that Facebook is a big reason we are in the boat we are in today – the boat you discussed in this wonderful, spot-on blog entry.

    Loved it.

    • Oh my goodness – Thank you Katy! And yes – I was validated by your response 🙂 As ever – your comments are spot on – It seems we are becoming a society of people who do things that garner approval, validation, attention (thinking about the movie and you tube following of Jack Ass here). Rather than simply doing things because we love to, whether anyone is watching or “liking.”
      There is another thread to this as well. Perhaps that which has laid the foundation for Facebook and You Tube and yes WordPress. I think I’m a product of a generation or two prior, that has feared moving forward without permission and so we like to make sure from others that what we’re doing is “ok” and it’s grown into such a habit that we are constantly seeking reassurance and validation that we are worthy. So much so that we are posting anything and everything to feel this sense of – what? Of being. Ugh!
      So – I am so happy to hear that you’ve re-discovered the you before Facebook! Keep Rockin’ Katy! As always, great to hear from you!

  2. Thank You for that post. I will Validate me. I kind of like me but I could like me more. I am the person that talks to myself out loud,so perhaps it needs to be in a more happy way. Yes I am. 🙂

    • Love your comment Mary! How awesome our world would be if we all simply liked ourselves just a little bit more and talked more nicely to ourselves! I’m doing that today for sure 🙂 Thanks Mary!

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