If only. If only I had. If only I hadn’t.
That was my mindset for about 36 hours this weekend. I carried it with me everywhere I went. I struggled not to make my pity party to grand or too obvious. Although I believe to have looked at me, you might have wanted to give me a hug.
And so. Here we are. Today.
If only. If only I could. Let go of what I don’t need anymore.
Sitting with regret. Blame. It allowed me to see. To acknowledge all of the “if only’s.” And their utter worthlessness.
I was hanging on to the unchangeable past. “If I had only gone to this school and not that school.” “If only I hadn’t dated that dolt for so long.” “If only my parents could have provided x,y and z.”
To have compassion for yourself, allows you to have compassion for others. I sat with that.
And, any more than that, I don’t honestly know how I let go, but this morning, I woke up knowing I had. I am grateful.