I’m Me. Me Changes.

So. I was talking with my Dad the other day. Have you ever been pigeon-holed? People assume you are something, because of something they assume?

Well, that’s my Dad.  The me he knows and loves is stuck somewhere in the late 70’s.

The late 70’s were such a long time ago. And since then, I am happy to report, I have matured and changed a great deal. If nothing else, I definitely have a much better haircut and an infinitely more sophisticated wardrobe.

And yet. Talking with my dad, he still relates to me as if I were 14 years old.

I would like to say this is charming or amusing. It is not. (Maybe for others.) For me it is (more than mildly)  annoying (depending on my mood.)  But it is what it is, and I am loath to do anything to change it. Believe me, I have tried.

So? Why bring this up?

Because, we humans have the capacity to change. We have the capacity to evolve. To grow, to learn, to inspire, to achieve, to lead, to adapt. To make mistakes and learn from them. And move on. Whatever your path may be, it is ever evolving. If you let it.

Nonetheless. There are people who don’t want to see you change. They like the little girl that you were. Or the easy-going friend, or the partier, or whoever you were then.

But. Who does that serve? You? Probably not.

My dad is very comfortable with me as his little girl. I know in his heart of hearts he wants more for me, but that’s who he sees me as, and how he relates to me. That’s where he is.

And so. I grit my teeth, and know that he loves me and his grandkids and son-in-law. And I know he’s telling all his cronies how proud he is of the news that I dutifully report.

Still, when I hang up the phone after our conversation, I’m a little mad. Frustrated that he can’t see me for who I’ve grown to be.  Because I know if he could. He would be even more proud.


11 thoughts on “I’m Me. Me Changes.

  1. You know what? He knows. He just doesn’t feel comfortable, or better, feels more comfortable relating to the you back when he was that him.

    Makes sense to me.

  2. i can relate. the biggest change was a few years ago when my dad saw my obama bumper sticker. “you have got to be shitting me” were his exact words. then he wrote me a twenty page (20pg!!) letter on legal sized paper about the evils of obama (and michelle). he had to pay extra postage it was so big. then he had a few more thoughts and i got another letter the next day. this is the thing. my dad writes beautifully, so i wanted to read it. but i threw it away, all his beautiful felt-tip handwriting – mixing his capital letters with the little ones. and then, he died. no warning. and all i wanted was that thick packet of yellow paper back, so i could read his love for me between the lines. so maybe we just have to read between the lines. i hope my kids will give me that when they shift into something i haven’t pictured for them. i guess that’s the least i could do.

    • That made me cry!! That is my biggest fear! I am grateful that my parents have finally come to terms with who I am and what makes me proud to represent. Reading this comment gave me the urge to go dig through the garbage.

    • So powerful. Really helps me to open my heart, which threatens sometimes to tighten up when I’m feeling “poor me.” Thanks Katie. Also – too – as a parent – what we want for our children – sometimes they know best right? As long as we give them (and show them) all our love.

  3. Love that one & your honesty about your relationship with your Dad. My problem is that I always seem to turn into my 14-year old self around my parents. Not always pretty! Have to remind myself that though I can’t change them, I can and have changed how I react to them. The flip side is that sometimes these days it seems like the roles are reversed…I am the parent and they are the kids that I am telling what to do!?!

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