Don’t Text a Rant

I recently learned that a friend texted another friend that a mutual friend was a horrible human being. (The language was just a little bit stronger than that.) Here’s the catch. She texted the horrible human being directly by mistake. And thereby told her to her texting face what she thought of her. (Even though she didn’t actually intend to. And of course, pleaded that she didn’t really mean what the text said. She was just having a bad day.) Whoops. They are no longer friends.

Are you aware of your mind? What are you ruminating on right now? What’s your mood like? How is it affecting you? How is it affecting others?

I’m going to reveal something about myself that I only learned recently, after sitting for a very long time with the above questions. I discovered that I was angry. A lot. And I didn’t know it. Because I thought I was wrong to be angry.  So I pretended I wasn’t. I denied it. To myself. To everyone.

This is very complicated and difficult to parse, and to admit. But very important.

When I started to accept that I was angry. And explore it. And sit with it. A very amazing thing happened. I stopped being angry. Granted. That took some work. (Ok, loads of work!) But it has made an incredible, incredible, incredible difference. When anger arises now I work to understand it. I know that it will pass. I do not have to keep it or hide it. If I act on it, it is for a reason. To set a boundary, or to right a wrong.

Acknowledging my anger, working with my anger, has allowed me to stop hurting myself and other people in anger. It has allowed me to forgive the many people and things I was angry about.

And so. To the title of this post, “Don’t Text a Rant.”

Where do you put your anger? Do you yell it out to the world?

Why?

I guess that’s today’s contemplation. Do you cause harm when you are angry?

In the next post, I will endeavor to tie these thoughts together with their implications on “Eating is not a Luxury.”

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8 thoughts on “Don’t Text a Rant

  1. Yet another unsurprisingly beautiful post by Carrot Seed (I know your name is Anne).
    If you read my post today you’ll read the line that says I realized I was wasting away a beautiful day by feeling frustrated.
    While anger & frustration are different (in my opinion), I agree wholeheartedly in allowing yourself to feel an emotion. Embrace it. Acknowledge it. It’s equally important to give yourself a deadline otherwise you’ll spend the day in a sour mood.
    This worked extremely well for me as a camp counselor. Campers would be homesick and the natural response from leaders would be to distract them – they’re not allowed to call home. They’re not allowed to think about it. Just distract them with ropes courses and ice cream. It never worked. My approach, instead, was to pull them aside and make a deal with them. I’d give them 5 minutes to feel as sad as they wanted to. To cry, to scream, to think about Mom & Dad, to wish they were home. But when 5 minutes was up, it was my turn to tell a story. By the time my story was done (interruptions allowed), we were both to move forward with our day and not miss another moment of the once-in-a-lifetime excitement unfolding in front of us. From then on, any time the camper was feeling homesick, she was to approach me and ask for a story. Upholding my end of the bargain, I would stop what I was doing and start talking. My approach worked like a charm. It allowed the campers a chance to hold their emotion and own it. Feel it. And then realize that by harboring those emotions, they were missing out on the moment. And it was my promise to try to distract from those emotions when they started to creep in and take over – but only after they’ve had a chance to sit with them. No ignoring feelings. It’s horrible.
    I’ve always told my friends that jealousy isn’t a bad emotion – it’s the act of following through on jealousy that’s the problem. If you give yourself a chance to FEEL jealous, you’ll find a way to get through that emotion without being vindictive.

    Today in my frustration, I screamed at the computer, I yelled at the phone (no one was there, thank God). I stomped my feet and I demanded things of God. It only took 5 minutes before I was ready to move forward.

    I so apologize for overloading your blog with a novel response. You rock. Simple as that.

  2. My problem with anger has been a little different. Instead of denying it, I have felt entitled to it. Yeah. I’m angry. I have a good reason. So I’m going to spit my anger on you. Working with that has been helpful to me. I don’t want to throw my anger on others. Just looking at it when it arises, just seeing it there, can make it a lot smaller. It can even make it go away. Lovely post, as usual Anne. You sound gentle, even when you talk about anger.

    • Excellent point – that we do all deal with anger/our emotions in different ways – or they manifest in different ways. Sometimes we hide them, sometimes we spit them. So helpful to see this. And then how witnessing, and experiencing – being aware of our emotions – can change how we manage them. Thanks Jill!

  3. Pingback: Keeping the Faith « trikatykid

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