Keeping it Real

The holidays are well upon us. And there is a lot of extra stuff to do and enjoy. But let’s all admit it – with that extra joy, also comes extra stress. And what I’ve noticed about people, when they are feeling stress, is that they can take that stress and fling it at you.  It comes out in lots of different ways. Maybe they make a snide remark they wouldn’t otherwise. Maybe they are thinking they are the center of the world and no one elses feelings, thoughts, or opinions matter. Perhaps they are being a bit selfish.

So. What to do? You certainly don’t want to be sullen and resentful around the holidays right? So do you ignore the stress your feeling and the stress that is being thrust upon you? Do you go back to an earlier blog post and reflect upon being nice and being kind?

For me, in the past, I might have thought I was ignoring the behavior. I might have tried to act like I wasn’t mad. Or wasn’t hurt by being thoroughly disrespected. But then, ouch, those feelings would come out sideways when I least expected. And I’ll admit it, that could be embarrassing. I might, for instance lose my grip and shriek an amazing streak of blue at those I love most. Or maybe at the driver in front of me with very slow reaction time to the light change. Or maybe I would just cry at the drop of a hat.

And so, here’s what has taken me a very long time to figure out. And I’m still not that great at doing it, but I’m working at it. If someone is being irrational, or unreasonable, I don’t have to heed them.  I don’t have to go along with their crazy. They’re wrong and I know it – so why try to placate, or figure it out, or reason with them? What’s to gain?

Rather, I acknowledge to myself, that they are irrational and unreasonable, and here’s the thing that I find really hard –I move on. For me, to move on means I really need to sit with the feeling of being mad. Or hurt. And validate that this is a reasonable way to feel when dealing with someone who is being a jerk.  I’m going to take up the slogan, “Jerks make me mad and that’s ok.” And then I’m going to move on (hopefully!) and realize this is the most kind thing I can do for everyone.

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